2018 Holiday Parody

Adapted from “Twas the Night Before Christmas”

DBA with Christmas bonus in her hands

‘Twas the night before Christmas, when all through the office
Not a creature was stirring, not even the bosses.
The stockings were hung on the cube walls with care,
In hopes that our bonuses soon would be there.

The sys admin in tie dye, wearing sandals with socks,
Leaned back at his desk, thinking how much he rocks.
The DBAs were nestled all snug in their chairs,
When a cloud of smoke began to pour down the stairs!

And on the next floor there arose such a clatter,
I sprang from my cube to see what was the matter.
To the computer room I flew like a flash,
I even ran faster than memory cache.

No smoke was flowing from the new disk array,
So then from it I turned my attention away,
When what to my wandering eyes did appear,
But a 3U network rack with much Cisco gear,
With blinky green network lights so lively and quick,
To blame those routers would be impolitic.

More rapid than eagles I turned on my heel,
To find the next subject of my searching zeal.
Now, servers! now, firewalls! now tapedecks and cables!
Now, keyboards! now, mousepads! now dataport labels!
What is the problem? Whence comes all that smoke?
The fire department I wish not to provoke.
The whole room I’ve searched, the problem’s not here;
This building cannot burn down, it hosts my career!

So down the way toward the kitchen I flew
With a bucket of water, and the sys admin too.
A frantic voice then we heard down the hall,
“How could it go SO WRONG with a popcorn ball?”
As we drew closer in and were looking around,
Out the kitchen the help desk intern leapt with a bound.
His shirt was quite scorched, and he exclaimed, “Aw, hell!”
And his clothes were all splattered with hot caramel.

From his eyes a glow of sadness came,
More dejected than a decommissioned mainframe.
“I wanted to make our Christmases merry,
With the best popcorn balls, quite extraordinary!
I brought sugar and butter and kernels of corn,
But it went all awry, and I’m very forlorn.”

A film of white powder adorned the floor,
And through it the CIO traipsed to the fore.
“Might I ask, at the risk of sounding obtuse:
How did the fire extinguisher come into use?”
He was decked out in velvet, dressed up as an elf,
And I feared when I heard him, in spite of myself.

A wink of his eye and a twist of his head
Soon gave me to know I had nothing to dread;
He spoke not a word, but went straight to his work,
And swept up the smoking popcorn, with no hint of irk.
He carefully rid the walls of much butter,
And dismissed the firemen who’d arrived aflutter.

Then he said, “About that extra year-end check:
You clowns sure don’t deserve one, but what the heck?”
He sprang to his office, and to the HR team gave a shout,
And away they all flew, handing those bonuses out.
And I heard him exclaim, ere he ran out of sight —
“Merry Christmas to all, and to all a good night!”

2017 Christmas Database Parody song

An Ode to Oracle 18c Autonomous Database
Sing to the tune of “Away in a Manger”

Autonomous database, about you I’ve read,
That you can perform complex chores in my stead.
I’m wondering how much work you can defray:
If I’m late for home, can you start a souffle?

Make me some coffee with two extra creams,
Log onto eHarmony; find the man of my dreams!
Get me a mansion for the price of a shack,
And ply me with chocolates and small fancy snacks.

Convince the SAN admin I need that disk space,
While I get my nails done at some swanky place.
Tell my boss his thoughts are all pie in the sky,
And keep him distracted ’til 5 o’clock is nigh.

Rescue me when I run clean out of hair spray,
And twenty pounds less I would like to please weigh.
Write all of my gift lists and do price compare,
And gift wrap the boxes, before Santa’s mid-air.

(Mary Elizabeth McNeely, 2017)

Happy holidays from McNeely Tech!

Xmas 2017 robot canva

2016 holiday parody song

Happy holidays! Hope you enjoy this year’s song as much as I enjoyed writing it.

Sing to the tune of “Auld Lang Syne”

For all the data you forgot
To back up with RMAN,
For all tables you just dropped,
With no DR plan.

For all the exports you now need
And in fact have not got,
For all you try to make it right,
Your data’s shot.

So now the ERP is down,
And your boss is hopping mad.
The end users think you’re a clown.
Oy vey; so bad!

For all the paychecks you still need,
To get your kids through school
Oh, please don’t throw me, you do plead,
Into the labor pool.

Wait! Flashback Drop can save your hide
And get those tables back.
For all the data you just fried,
Somehow, it’s back on track.

Your boss now loves you once anew,
Quick, write a backup job.
You got away with it this time,
Now don’t be such a slob!

One last verse, from McNeely Tech, to you:

For all the DBAs out there,
You’re always on our minds.
We send our richest blessings out,
For auld lang syne.


(Mary Elizabeth McNeely, 2016)

McNeely Tech is now an Oracle Reseller

Happy New Year!

Would you like to buy your Oracle products from someone in your network? Would you like attentive, courteous service even for small Oracle orders?


We’re ready to help you with that. McNeely Tech is now a commercial sector reseller of Oracle products.

If you have an Oracle order in your future, call us today at 214 349 9994.

2015 Christmas parody song – enjoy!

“A Database Christmas Carol”
(Sing to the tune of “The Twelve Days of Christmas”)
By Mary Elizabeth McNeely, 2009

On the first day of Christmas,
My true love sent to me
An index that’s a b-tree.

On the twelfth day of Christmas,
My true love sent to me
Twelve cache hit ratios,
Eleven time zone patches,
Ten consultants a-sleeping,
Nine sysops dancing,
Eight scripts a-spooling,
Seven users a-squawking,
A six-digit salary demand,
Five function calls,
Three corrupt blocks,
Two raw devices,
And an index that’s a b-tree!

McNeely Tech President Honored as Woman in Technology

We’re pleased our president Mary Elizabeth McNeely has been named as a Dallas Business Journal Women in Technology honoree. Press releaseHonoree list – Article front page. Woo hoo!

“Tech pros say they’ve had IT up to here”

Dallas Morning News: “Tech pros say they’ve had IT up to here”

This article resonates.

From the vantage point of our consulting practice, since the recession started, we’ve watched the IT atmosphere become leaner and meaner (the bad kind of meaner, not the good kind). Managers, seeing no other options, foist additional responsibilities on their technologists. Faced with longer work days, more after-hours calls, burnout, increased likelihood of errors, now-sharper IT internecine warfare, and sometimes even resentment from their spouses, well, who can blame technologists for being at the breaking point?

How are things at your IT shop?

2014 Silly Christmas Song

Here’s your holiday database song – sing it to the tune of “Grandma Got Run Over by a Reindeer:”


The disk drive got run over by a reindeer
While we were running backups Christmas Eve
You can say there’s no such thing as RAID-10
But as for me and the SAN admin, we believe

We’d been drinkin’ too much eggnog
And we should have locked the cage
But we’d propped it open with a brick
And then we got distracted by a page

When they found the disk drive Christmas mornin’
At the scene of the attack
There were hoof prints on its spindles
And the DBA had gotten lots of flack


Now we’re all so proud of the SAN admin
He’s been takin’ this so well
See him in there at the console
Drinkin’ beer and swappin’ over to the spare

It’s not Christmas without the disk drive
All the department’s dressed in black
And we just can’t help but wonder
Should we repair the disk or send it back?


Now the RAID stripes are reassembled
And we all took one last swig
And the cage is now locked tight
The sys admins put Santa in the brig

I’ve warned all my IT colleagues
Better watch out for yourselves
They should never loan their card key
To a man who drives a sleigh and plays with elves


by Mary Elizabeth McNeely

McNeely Tech wins growth grant


Donna Hegdahl
972-717-3500 ext. 222

McNeely Technology Solutions Receives Lillie Knox Award
McNeely Technology Solutions Receives Cash Grant from Women’s Business Council -Southwest to Fund Growth Initiatives

Dallas, Texas, September 5, 2014 — McNeely Technology Solutions President, Mary Elizabeth McNeely, along with five other expansion-minded Women’s Business Enterprises (WBE) is a recipient of this year’s Lillie R. Knox Investing for Growth award, presented by the Women’s Business Council – Southwest (WBCS). The five businesses will receive a cash grant each to be used to advance their businesses.

The awards were presented at the Lillie R. Knox Memorial luncheon during the WBCS Annual Harvesting Partnerships event on September 4 at the Hyatt Regency DFW Airport Hotel.

The winning companies were selected based on how they would use the funds to help take their businesses to the next level, as well as their involvement in WBCS.

The Lillie Knox Investing for Growth award began in 2005. WBCS established the award as a tribute and memorial to founding member Lillie Knox. Lillie passed away in November, 2003, after a long and courageous battle with cancer. The award is an annual cash award, open to a certified woman-owned WBCS member, to fund a critical growth or business development need.

“Each of these businesses is indicative of the type of successful WBEs that Lillie Knox sought to develop,” said Debbie Hurst, president of the Women’s Business Council – Southwest. “This award will help take these businesses to the next level of success.”

About McNeely Technology Solutions
McNeely Technology Solutions offers Oracle database administration services, serving clients ranging from single-location enterprises with only one or two databases to publicly traded nationwide corporations with complex technical issues, but focused mainly on mid-sized clients in fast-paced environments with complex technical needs. McNeely Technology Solutions, Inc. is a Texas corporation, based in Dallas, and a certified Women’s Business Enterprise/Historically Underutilized Business. For more information, visit

About WBCS
Headquartered in Arlington, Texas, WBCS is dedicated to increasing mutually beneficial procurement opportunities between certified woman-owned businesses, corporations, businesses, government entities, institutions and other organizations. With more than 1000 WBE members and 80 corporate sustaining members, WBCS is in its 19th year of providing national certification to women-owned businesses. To find out more about the WBCS please visit WBCS is a regional affiliate of Women Business Enterprise National Council (WBENC) covering Oklahoma, central and north Texas, Arkansas and New Mexico.

Hotsos Symposium 2014 – the heavy and the light of it

I went to Hotsos Symposium 2014, in Irving, Texas, last week. If you’re an Oracle technologist and you’re not going to the Symposium each year, you’re really missing out. Not only is it a chance to see some excellent presentations, it’s also a chance to interact with the presenters on an ongoing basis for a few days, as the conference is small enough to allow for that.

It’s also a chance to enjoy camaraderie from Oracle professionals from around the world. Yep, this conference is so good that people fly in from overseas to attend.

Plus the food is great, and there’s a party on Tuesday night.

On the lighter side, here are some non-technical highlights:

During Tom Kyte’s presentation, someone’s Siri piped up, “I’m not sure what you’ve just said.” I didn’t have any expectation that she’d understand index cluster factors. Actually, she probably wouldn’t have liked the discussion about type casting or pushing predicates, either. Can you imagine being Tom Kyte’s Siri?

This is an intelligent crowd, so it wasn’t surprising to hear of their children’s admissions to medical school, other children in their medical residencies, and other children abroad in exchange programs.

At the party on Tuesday, several tables had Jenga games going. I’m very impressed at the steady-handedness of those DBA/developers!

I already mentioned the food was good. This of course didn’t go unnoticed by the other attendees. We somewhat jokingly discussed having walking treadmills installed in the back of each presentation hall. Truthfully, I bet people would use them, if only they were quiet enough.

I saw purposeful inclusion of cultures further east, and it made me smile – I’ve seen vegetarian food at the Symposium for many years now, but I noticed kulfi (the Indian equivalent of Western ice cream) available in the frozen treats cart during an afternoon break, and I noticed the deejay at the party was playing some Bollywood hits.

One attendee’s laptop had a sticker which said, “My other computer is a data center.”

Kerry Osborne’s presentation was about problem-solving styles. One slide divided people into quadrants, with the two axes being smart-or-stupid and industrious-or-lazy. Kerry had read that a military leader said there was good use for all the combinations, except stupid and industrious, which was a downright dangerous combination!

I hope we’ll see YOU at Symposium next year!

Mary Elizabeth McNeely